From the Peanut Gallery

I find it kinda funny in a sad sort of way, that when people are like "oh, I'm so sorry that your daughter has problems." And people often notice dd's trach and humidivent and ask, "Will she get better?" It really gets to me. I usually say, "Oh, she's actually fine. She's not sick at all, it's just how she breathes."

I guess having a child with special needs is kind of like being pregnant: people feel less inhibited about touching and making comments. You know, like how perfect strangers feel just fine about rubbing a preggo tummy.

Usually, I just try to blow it off, laugh at the goobers. But, as A gets older and becomes more aware of language I think I will be more fierce about cutting people off. And that's where it will get hard. I don't want her to have her attention drawn to her disability. I don't want her to ignore it either. I just want, so badly, for her to roll with it.

She Won't Call Me Mama

Even though it's only been three and a half months, I'm getting a feeling that there is something beyond her low-verbal state that is making dd not call me mama. My 19 year old sister-in-law is her birth mother and we only have A she was taken into foster care. What I mean is that we were not pursuing adoption. However, we are so utterly delighted and so in love with our little girl.

Anyway, A hasn't seen her BM in the entire time we've had her, and she only saw her three times while she was in foster care (2 months). And yet, I know, just know, that A's thinking about this person who neglected her to the point of life-endangerment. It started with the the fact that A (who uses some sign language) uses the sign for mama to refer to my husband. And, though she will/can say mama as a sort of babble, she refuses to point at me when asked "where's mama?"

This is all so complicated because her calling me mommy has been an emotional issue for my husband's family (dd's blood family). They want to maintain the idea that A's BM is still her mama.

A loves me. She expresses that often. I just want her to love me as her mama. I'm really sad.

Sorry for the rant.

So Here's What Happened

I kinda had baby. Actually, had, is not the right term. I acquired a baby. So, if you're someone who has followed this blog (back when I was actually writing in it), you know that the irony of me "acquiring" a kid is rich. REALLY rich.

For years I struggled with the "I-want-to-be-a-mom-but-I-can't-so-I-don't-care-na-na-na-boo-boo" syndrome. And just when we had bet the farm on grad school, bought a house in a "bad" school district, and settled on spoiling our niece and nephew rotten as an investment in our future childless-but-in-a-nursing-home-so-who's-gonna-visit-us selves, Alexis pops into our world.

And we totally fucking love it!

She's Hatched!

It's a beautiful day in Knoxville, y'all. I'm sitting here in a tiny hotel room looking at awe at the tiny red-headed baby napping in a crib next to me. We went to court this morning and the state has given full legal custody and guardianship of A. We're stunned, elated, exhausted and really, really happy.

It has been an emotional week. Our social worker Tiffany was a regular Julie McCoy and had us hopping and running for three days straight. We got to spend some wonderful time with the foster family, which works with Youth Villages. A was their first baby to foster (for the past two months). They usually get older children. Foster Mom was just amazing. She completely fell in love with our little girl, and cried all day at court today even though she is so happy that A is going to get to be with family.

In fact, we have yet to meet someone who hasn't cried at the thought of A leaving their care. No joke. There's just something about this little one. She's an incredible fighter. Despite the trach and the g-tube, she runs and laughs and squeaks like crazy. She loves television, though we're planning on going cold-turkey off of that for a little while at least. Also, she looks just like K - in a good way.

Well, we'll write more later and will send some pictures soon. If you're tired of hearing our saga, please don't hesitate to let me know. I certainly don't want to bug anyone. We so appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers that have been sent up for us over the past two months. Things like this make us so grateful for the wonderful friendships with which we've been blessed!

We're Pregnant, Sort Of!

Hi Friends,

K and I want to introduce you to A.M., who is, hopefully, about to become a member of our immediate family. She is our niece and has some medical issues that have made it difficult for K's sister to care for her adequately. We have already begun the process, but still have to undergo a home study by the Department of Children's Services. A is in foster care in Knoxville at this time, so we really hope that the home study can be done speedily.

Say a prayer for us as this is really going to be a life-changing experience. A has Pierre Robin Syndrome, which has caused her to have to have a feeding tube and a trach.

We are feeling overwhelmed, as you might imagine. But, more than that, we are feeling very blessed to have this opportunity to share our blessings with this sweet little girl.

Can't wait for you to meet her in person!

Surprise Mr. Prime Minister...I'm Here!

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Is anyone else just terribly embarrassed about the rudeness of King George this week? I mean, giving the Prime Minister (yeah, Prime Minister, dufus - ya know, like "head of a country" and all) of Iraq FIVE MINUTES to prepare for your visit? Not a very Southern-gentlemanly thing to do!

Here's a list of things that Mr. Prime Minister might have been doing that he would be disinclined to interrupt for a visit from King George:

1) having a root canal
2) laying on his bed contemplating the popcorn ceiling
3) reading an Ann Coulter book
4) getting a spinal tap
5) eating a baloney sandwich
6) posing for photos in the middle of his rubble-filled city
7) meeting with his "new friends" from Haliburton!
8) doing a live telephone interview with Rosie O'Donnell and The View girls
9) trimming his nose hairs
10) getting a back wax

But, NO, Georgie barged on in assuming that his Banana Republic's leader would just love to stand around blinking into flash bulbs and wondering if he looks fat with that fifty pound flak jacket under his Armani suit.

Ugh - it bugs me.

Daily Writing Exercises

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This is a really great site for those of us who need a little kick in the booty to get writing.
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We don't play well with others.

We had an early "celebration" for our Memorial Day. For the first time ever we swallowed hard (ok, not the first time, but....) and went camping with people other than our families. We knew we would hate it. And we did.

About a week before we were to leave, I e-mailed my friends and asked what their al fresco dining preferences were and offered (because I'm a former chef and because I'm a control freak) to do all of the cooking for the trip. No dice. One of them, who most definitely is a great cook, said that she had already planned the menu in her head and loved to cook outside also. Fine. Technically, they invited us, so I thought it would be rude to quabble.

However, she was planning on doing the most unexotic of all campfood (besides beans, I suppose): hobo packets. You know, potatoes, onions, bell peppers, etc. wrapped in aluminum foil and thrown in the fire. Well, I hate that shit. So, I just said we'd fend for ourselves and do it sort of potluck style.

We left early on Friday (or, we intended to leave early, but ended up getting out of town at about 5). They weren't coming until Saturday, so we thought we'd at least have one night of al fresco dining to our own tastes - with our prefered dessert. We drove east listening to hardcore eighties punk, and were just tickled to get the heck out of dodge.

When we reached the camp site, however, things got a little ugly. Of course, it was MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND and all, so what, really, did we expect? PEOPLE, PEOPLE, PEOPLE. Of the Red variety. There was so much smoke over the river from all of the campfires that it looked like fog, or a forest fire.

And then it started lightening. Big time. So, with no room in the "inn" and an approaching maelstrom, we decided to just drive on in to town for the night.

TWO HOURS LATER we ended up in Polaski, TN with the very last room for miles and miles. It was a beautiful, if a bit frightening, drive through the hills of south central Tennessee. The lightening was like a club strobe, freeze framing white clapboard houses and oak trees as we zoomed down highway 69.


I'll have to write about the rest of the weekend later. Sweet K is spending his Memorial Day ill and working, but horizontally. He's downstairs in bed hacking and snorting while trying to speak spanish to some "guest worker" on his radio while holding a phone in his other hand trying to speak "east memphis" to some prim lady out in her yard for the holiday with a yardstick checking on the length of her grass...bless his heart.

Y'all Come!

check out more of his stuff at www.lamarsorrento.com

Schoooools Out For Summer....Sorta

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so, i'm finally done with my first year of grad school.....sorta. i still have four small papers to write. sound familiar? (see my posts from about this time last year. actually, don't, it's really rather embarrassing.) it's not that i'm a procrastinator, maybe, it's that there is just too much shit to do and, at about 4pm every evening there are cocktails and backgammon games to be played. a girl's gotta have her priorities straight, and, frankly backgammon and cocktails with K somehow seem to almost always trump studying. this is going to be a problem if i'm gonna be a real live writer one day i guess. but, i'd rather have a happy marriage than anything else. the flip-side is that my happy marriage is invested in getting me to the point where i can write or teach or whatever the hell it is that i'm going to school for, so i need to figure out how to get there and maintain all of the above.

in other news: i submitted my first (for grad school) conference panel proposal. it's called "Blogshop: The New Blog Culture and Writers That Love It." it's for the 2007 AWP conference in Atlanta. i really, really hope the proposal gets accepted! cross your fingers. i got Steven Church, author of The Guiness Book of Me: A Memoir of Record, which i thought was really interesting, to agree to be on the panel ..... yehaaa. i'm pretty excited about that.

and still other news: i love shawn mullins and he's going to be at the peabody rooftop party tonight (barring the ubiquitous memphis in may rains, i suppose), so, if you want to see me drool and squeal like a teenaged girl, come on down!

bu-bye ;)