Thursday, June 26, 2008

New Birth Certificate

I can't really describe the sick feeling that I had when I opened up VeeGee's new birth certificate. Her birth father had never been there, but with this new one, her birth mother was, literally, erased. It felt so strange. On one hand, I was so relieved that the whole process really was over and that VeeGee really was, officially, my daughter. And at the same time, the bigger part of me, in fact, just felt so sad.

We could very very easily lie to VeeGee (by omission) and never tell her about how she came to us. She looks just like K (since she's his niece by birth) and there would truly never be much of a reason for her to suspect that she was adopted.

And that's a problem. VeeGee deserves to have her story, her truth.

And that birth certificate is a false document. It says that I drove across my state to give birth to her - in a place I've never lived. So what might that mean for so many well-meaning women who adopt and just want to step in and BE their kid's mom, for whom that birth certificate is sort of prize? It might mean that there needs to be an outside mechanism, a legal safeguard of adopted children's stories, that will help us emotional moms do the right thing. That's why, at least one reason why, reform is so necessary.

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