Surprise!

We just got a call a little while ago that VeeGee's bmom is going to arrive from across the state this evening and is staying until, well, we don't even know, could be New Years. This is the first we've heard of it (they weren't even the ones who called to let us know) and we already have a houseful of children that we're watching for my sister (OVERLOAD CITY!!!!!!!!).

We also found out that they ("they" are bmom and her father) have been lying and telling K's grandparents that we don't return their calls and never call them. Holy SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have received exactly three phone calls from bmom since bringing VeeGee home. That would be three phone calls in almost two years. And we've sent e-mails, birthday videos from VeeGee, and have called many many times (they don't answer their phones because they dodge bill collectors constantly and/or have them disconnected).

K. I are so angry we could spit.

(P.S. It's really and truly not that we want to keep these people away from VeeGee- it just needs to be on OUR terms which are based on care and concern for VeeGee (things which clearly they do not have).

One of the things that is so amazing and painful about this is that K's grandparents (also birthmom's grandparents, my de facto mother and father -in-laws) consistently seem to choose sides on this, and the side that they choose is bmom's: the one who WILLFULLY abused and neglected VeeGee (the child they absolutely adore), almost to the point of her death. Basically, they are calling us liars when we tell them about the lack of contact.

We always invite K's grandparents for Christmas Eve (they have never ever come because it's mostly the evening that we spend with my dad and his dad, who is their ex-son-in-law - they HATE both my dad and K's dad) and I think they expect to be invited also. For me, that night is the most important and meaningful part of the entire season and is pretty sacrosanct. I'm just not ready to bring them into the mix.

Generally we don't even see his grandparents on Christmas - sometimes the day after, but usually we wait til New Year's Day because that is K's grandfather's birthday.

The way they are, I'm pretty sure that they just expect us to drop everything and go to the grandparents tomorrow and the next day. I'm so up to my eyeballs with VeeGee and my sister's three kids (one of which is a one-year-old), I just need to stay in one place. Not to mention the fact that I'm hosting dinner on Christmas Eve and have to get the house ready (in the midst of all these kids!) for the company that I was already expecting. I've already bought food, too, so that would be another thing . . . . . UGH.

Today Is Day One.

After successfully avoiding the process server for days and days, VeeGee's birth mom was FINALLY served with adoption papers. So that makes today the first day of thirty that will constitute 'default' in our case for termination. We tried it the easy way, by giving bm (what's a better term???? not that I care all that much.) the chance to join the petition, but she thinks we're liars when we say that she will always be a part of VeeGee's life. She thinks we'll, at some point, just decide that she can't ever see her again.

Funny.

She hasn't called or written or sent a gift or ANYTHING in almost a year. You'd think she was pretty much over 'seeing her.'

I'm trying so hard to not be angry with her. Anger can't be good - for me, or for VeeGee, or, especially right now, for K. He's really suffering over this because he just feels like he's lost all of his family now in this decision. I don't think he'd change anything, but it's just hurting him. His grandparents, who are functionally his parents, have decided not to 'choose sides' between their grandchildren (K and his sister) - which means that, effectively, they're not supporting us. His grandmother, further, keeps insisting that 'this isn't A's fault, it's just that she was so young.' VERY FRUSTRATING.

But, still, today is day one.