Out Cold

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She ran a fever all night, but as of a minute ago it was down (higher than her normal temp, but still down). Whew! She also seems more alert.

I had the strangest thing happen to me in the middle of the night. I had gone to bed feeling kind of queasy, but I'd only eaten one meal yesterday and it was something fried, which I don't normally eat, so I wasn't too worried. I don't know if I've mentioned here on this board that I have Crohn's Disease, so nausea is pretty much modus operandi.

Well, I got up to get her some water (she's wanting a lot of water!!!!! ) at, I think, around 2 and felt really really dizzy and queasy, cold sweaty, the whole nine yards. I started toward the bathroom and woke up, god knows how much later, on the floor. I have fainted before, but usually during a tachycardia episode. I've never just fallen on the floor and not remembered getting there. I must not have even put my arms out to catch myself because I have a nice knot on my forehead, and my knee is pretty banged up. When I woke up VeeGee was calling for me "Mommy, wake up!!" and I had no idea where I was or what had happened and just had that impulse to keep laying there until I realized the floor was cold and that the nurses might come in and see me there. So, it was embarrassment, really, that actually got me up.

I had one more almost-episode like that at around four, but just sat down instead of trying to make it to the bathroom.

I'm feeling pretty out of sorts this morning. So, I'm calling uncle and have asked dh to come and help me out. I hate doing it because it's SO his busy season, but I'm not a lot of good to VeeGee if I'm laying on the floor, huh?

It was so freaky.
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Still Tickin'

well, after five hours of trying to get an IV started i headed to surgery yesterday to get this heart tickin' right. Surgery lasted about three hours (happily, i was OUT) and then it was done. I'll write more about it later, because there were some definitely funny parts, but right now i'm a bit tired. Just wanted to let whoever's checkin know that i'm ok and being coddled sufficiently by K (as usual).

thanks for the thoughts, prayers and voodoo dolls....

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weepy day

i feel like crying. it's so stupid, but i feel weepy and sad and happy and worried and in-love and frightened and my heart is craving my lover in a way that sends electricity up and down my arms into my legs. i keep getting cold, not like a chill but more like a welling up of cold inside me - it gurgles up and heaves through me, then fades.

i'm having heart surgery on friday. and the anticipation is doing strange things to my mind and my body. i didn't sleep last night and the night before i woke up gasping for breath. as i gasped for breath K stroked my head and told me how much he loves me. all i've wanted to do for days is make love to him.

i'm going to be ok - it's actually not that big of a deal. and i haven't been afraid until the other day when i realized that i needed to do a living will. something hit me that made me know that i wanted to be alive. it's not that i haven't wanted to be alive before, but it's a different sort of longing for life that i've never experienced. and it mostly manifests itself when i think about K. i want to hold him and press my face into his chest and never go anywhere.