Monday, January 28, 2008
You're just so thrilled to see poop at all that you don't mind cleaning it up!
Or you've quit worrying about telling people what her trach does and started just telling them it's a necklace. . . . And you don't hesitate grabbing somebody else's kid who decides they'd like to take that necklace.
Or you answer that stranger's pitying, "Oh is she okay?" question with, "Yep, just fine, and you?"
Or you've quit worrying about the vomit streaks on your clothing "as long as it doesn't smell too bad."
Thursday, January 24, 2008
It's true that I don't like the name her birth mother chose for her. But, really, that's only a tiny part of the issue. I want to be a part of the name that she will carry into her life. It's really important to me.
I think that K finally is beginning to understand where I'm coming from. He said last night that he had thought that it was mostly an aesthetic thing for me. It's not. Lot of people have the name that A has now, lots of people think it's a beautiful name. That's irrelevant to me. I'd just like for her name to reflect and commemorate the experience we're going through, that she's going through.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Problem is, K and I are having a hard time coming to agreement on this issue. He would like A to have some of her birth name and I'd like to change it completely. I really would love to erase the ownership that maintaining A's "given" name allows her birth mother (my SIL). I've been telling K this for a year now.
Turns out he hasn't really been taking me seriously, like not even seriously enough to form an argument one way or the other. And I'm just finding out how "unseriously" he's been taking it TODAY.
So, he said, "Start making a list of names that you like." HUH? I've told him THE name I'd like, been telling him THE name I'd like for almost a year - though probably longer than that in the "what would you name a little girl if we ever had one?" game. And he said, "anything else?" Nope, but I'd consider any suggestions that he'd make - he's just not making any - unless you count adding HIS last name (not mine) to the end of her name. I don't want to hyphenate her name.
I just want him to be invested in this part of the adoption, I want him to be proud of and have input on this very important part of the experience.
On to the other issue (sorry this is so long): I know that there are lots of people who have said that changing her name altogether would be wrong. I just don't think so. She's being given an entirely new life and a new family. The name I want to give her is traditional within my family, and we have a very strong and, in my opinion, lovely family bond that I'd like her to feel a part of in a special way. Giving her the name of her grandmother and greatgrandmother would reaffirm the new bond that the adoption is creating.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
So, home for a couple of days and A's still recovering well. We have hit one little bump in that she's having trouble with retching when her stomach gets overfilled.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I have such problem with this way of thinking. I can't have children of my own, have had three miscarriages, and yet my sister-in-law has a little one at 16 who has "special needs" and goes on to leave her in a crib wallowing in her own vomit alone, with the door closed, for 16 months before DCS FINALLY stepped in. Now, we're playing catchup with all of the surgeries and therapies that she should have had when she was teenincey. Actually, she's still teenincey because of her mother's neglect. And I don't care that she was/is a child - blah, blah, blah.
God didn't do this to my sweet little one. God just didn't. God may have intervened through the hands of DCS, and then mine, but God did not cause my little one to suffer. Her birth mother did.
Also, we are just, for the first time, beginning bolus feeds, but she seems to be tolerating me pushing the formula A LOT faster than the doctor indicated. In fact, I don't think she could sit still for 30 minutes while I bolused her. Is there a chance that I'm messing her up by going too fast
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Yesterday after I wrote the post, the doctors decided not to start her feedings of formula until this morning (which they did at 7am), and they didn't stop the epidural until 7 also. They switched her to IV oxycodone (NOT oxycotin, like I thought they said earlier - whew!!!). I can tell a bit more agitation, but I think she's handling it pretty well.
The last hurdle we have right now is to see if she will tolerate the formula. So far, so good since 7. I'm so thrilled. She's gotten really, really upset several times this morning which, before the nissen would have yielded profuse and unending amounts of vomit. Yahoo!!!!!!
They just took the epidural out a few minutes ago and the full Wrath of A was unleashed. And still no vomit! One major hurdle is left, and that's to see what the residuals are in her stomach after these feedings. This I'm a little more concerned about because when the nurse and I checked at about 9, there was more than one hour's worth of formula still in there. The doctor is okay with one hour's worth of "residual" but no more. Hopefully this will resolve within the next couple of hours.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Thanks for the all the messages!
Tomorrow is K's birthday, so I think he'll be driving over for an overnight stay with us. Pray that he has safe travels.Y'all take care and enjoy your Sunday. I probably won't post again until tomorrow unless something major happens.
The pain team is going to allow the epidural bag to run out and then start A oxycotin IV. Yikes. They're going to leave the epi in, though, in case something happens or if the IV pain meds don't work well enough.
Y'all should see her. She is such a NUT! After her last surgery they had to release her without taking her b/p because she was so violently opposed to it. THINGS HAVE CHANGED! She has decided that having her temp taken, her b/p taken and having her heart listened to are the most amazingly fun things. Whew! As a matter of fact, one of the care partners brought her a spare thermometer
I had to raise the rails of the crib because she's so chipper today and is standing up a bit. Which means, of course, that she's constantly tangled in all of her wires and has pulled the leads of her chest twice already this morning. Still, it's heartening to see her cheerful.
Thanks to everyone for the sweet messages. They mean a lot.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
I haven't heard from her doctors yet, though they apparently spoke briefly with the nurse at five and said that they would need to meet as a team to discuss what to do next. I don't know when that meeting will be, but I'm hoping it'll be tomorrow.