So, we had the birthday party. Turns out VeeGee has a lot more friends than I had realized. We had about 40 adults and 25 kids on Saturday. AND bmom and bmom's dad (grandaddy) and K's grandparents.
It was AWKWARD. They had never called us at all to see if it would be a good time or anything. I just sent them an invite to the party and left it at that. I needed it to be MY initiation (insofar as I could in this situation). I received one e-mail since then from bmom asking what size VeeGee is now because she wanted to bring her a gift (she acknowledged that I had said "no gifts" but said her friends wanted to send something - they didn't). Other than that, nothing.
So at the party, which was uproarious!, bmom and grandaddy followed VeeGee around like a pair of shadows, for about three hours. And when they weren't following her, they were in her room touching and photographing every single inch of her things (ick!). VeeGee wouldn't speak to them, or really even acknowledge them. BUT that's not strange for her. She's just really not much on people trying to touch her (won't hug my mother, for instance, whom she sees on a very regular basis, I think because my mother wants so badly for her to hug, certainly not because she doesn't like her). They stayed until the bitter end of the party (well, as long as they could since they were riding with K's grandparents).
Sunday was VeeGee's actual birthday. K had told his grandparents (baby brokers that they are) that we were just going to spend the day the three of us, and that we wouldn't be doing any entertaining or visiting. Of course, before they left the party, they asked about what we were doing on Sunday - again. K told them the same thing. So they said, how about Monday. In fact, K's grandfather suggested that I just bring VeeGee out to their house (30 minutes away from our house) and drop her off for the day (something I do occasionally when I'm working on a deadline). Um. Hell. No. Not gonna happen - ever.
Okay, so fast forward to yesterday evening. I reminded K that we needed to call them all to let them sing to VeeGee and to firm up whatever plans there were going to be for today. Come to find out that a dinner party at their house had been planned for five o'clock this afternoon (with no consultation from us). Well, first off, K doesn't get home these days until, sometimes, seven or so. And, second, VeeGee goes to bed at around seven (or as soon as daddy gets a bit of visiting time). So, obviously we couldn't do that. Their idea was, then, for ME to come out with VeeGee by myself. Nope.
We told them (had decided beforehand, actually) that they could come for dinner this evening to visit for a little while. At this point K was pretty angry about the way they were all trying to manipulate us, and he said that they could come from six to seven. Period. After he got off of the phone I told him I thought that was a bit harsh, but he's adamant. So there ya go.
Today he called his uncle to make sure that they knew that they were invited as well and was told that everyone is talking about how little VeeGee seemed to be interested in bmom and grandaddy. As if that's our fault. As if we're doing that.
So they're coming to hulk over VeeGee this evening while she tries to evade them. I feel really bad for her, but I also don't want to say that they can't try to talk to her or whatever. With fewer people around it might be better.
I'm just feeling so out of control, so head-in-a-vice. I can't effing win. Once again it's made clear that these people believe that they should have unregulated access to VeeGee, to our family's time. It's also clear that they do not understand that bmom's position has shifted. She's not VeeGee's mommy. She does have an unseverable relationship - one that I won't deny either of them - but it's simply NOT whatever it is she (et al) seems to think it is.
I'm NOT the babysitter people, not the nanny, not the wetnurse, not the interloper here. I'M VEEGEE'S MOMMY.
I'm almost done (so sorry for the length here). I'm agonizing over whether or not I should invite bmom along to the park in the morning for about an hour before VeeGee's speech therapy session. Maybe that would be a good thing. Maybe I'll gouge my eyes out, though.
1 month ago