Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Smoke in the Bedroom

So, we're finally having our bathroom remodled (THANK THE FREAKIN' STARS) after having lived for almost four years with copious amounts of black mold, an uncleanable shower, a bare concrete floor, walls that were only half hanging onto their studs, and SLUGS!

Yep, slugs in my bathroom. Can you really imagine anything much worse than stepping on a slug in the middle of the night when you've stumbled into the WC for a pee??? Nope, there's not much worse I'll just tell ya. 'Cept for the time a slug slithered up onto the toilet seat.....but, my parole officer and therapist suggest I not talk about that anymore, what with the arrest for streaking down the street naked and screaming my head off at 2pm that followed the episode.

But, here's the actual creepy part: there are people in my bathroom. Several people. And I don't want to talk to them. I want to pretend that they're not there.

So, I'm sitting here trying to study when I get a whiff of cigarette smoke. There's a potbellied man wearing a rebel flag/beer/toby keith or somethin' t-shirt SMOKIN' IN MY BEDROOM! (Did I mention that said bathroom is the master bathroom? Which, of course is a misnomer of gigantic proportions, since the bathroom was once a side porch and measures a whoppin' 4ft. by 8ft - but that's beside the point because it is essentially IN MY BEDROOM.)

I had to do something RIGHT AWAY! So, I called my husband, who was a good 15 miles away, to tell on the guy.

"Well, go tell him to stop," he says, almost as annoyed at me for calling him about the problem (I was whispering into the telephone, also, which really annoys him too - but, ya know, I didn't want the guy to overhear me and get the wrong idea that I might be a little, uh, tooky.) as he was about the guy actually having the balls to SMOKE IN MY BEDROOM.

"Um," I squirmed, my face pressed upon the glass of the front door, "I don't really want to tell him to stop. You're coming home for lunch soon aren't you?" (It was 11:30 - that was a reasonable assumption.

"I may not be home for another hour. You gonna just sit there and suffer until then?"

"Well. Yes. I'll just wait."

Now, if you had ever me, you would know that I am often ridiculously outspoken - about things that do not matter, unlike some rotund redneck SMOKING IN MY BEDROOM. But, I can't, just can't, --cough, cough--, say anything.

Hope K's hungry and will hurry.

No comments: