Well, it's been three hundred and seventy-five days since VeeGee came home with us. I think about how incredibly terrified we were: this fragile tiny little thing. I remember how frightened we were to change her trach the first time, how horrible I felt the first time her mic-key button was pulled out. And the vomit! Dear God, the vomit. I can still feel that warm stickiness as she would bury her head in my neck, seeking comfort from the heinous retching.
And I look back at my posts here wrestling with the emotional roller coaster of her not calling me mommy (seems funny now), about her name change, about how to deal with being alone in the hospital in the middle of the night unable to read the erratic monitors.
So, today is the day. In two short hours, she becomes ours not just in our hearts, but according to the law. It's a bittersweet day. We finalize at 9 and bury my uncle at 11. The circle of life indeed. I am also keenly aware today of the loss that today will represent for VeeGee's birth mom. I really feel for her. No matter how awful I think she's been, this still is a hard, hard consequence for her actions - one that is incomprehensible to me, really. I truly hope that she will heal from this and become a happy content adult with whom VeeGee can have a wonderful relationship.
I am overwhelmed with emotion this morning. The rain has moved on and the birds are chirping in the wet branches of the trees that are hanging over my window. VeeGee spent the night in our room last night because her uncle is in town for the funeral and in her room. I am so happy to have been able to watch her sleep - by the glow of the feeding pump.
Well, I'm not making much sense now. Celebrate with me today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 month ago