Tuesday, May 3, 2005

Schizophrenic Writer

So, I'm on day three, or four, is it? of this blogging thing, and just as I had feared: I'm terribly boring. And this ain't so great considering the fact that I consider myself a writer.

I have the worst time trying to decide WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT. I imagine that's a common problem, to some extent. For me, the problem is generated in large part by the fact that I am two people (at least) and I find myself exposing my severest contradictions in my writing. I want to write authentically, but is seems that what is authentic for me on the one hand is a bunch of bull, a total lie, a misrepresentation, or a half-truth on the other hand. Does this make sense?

Half of me is a lusty liberal who likes to smoke pot and cuss like a sailor. Most of this "me's" friends are gay, atheist, pro-choice and voted for John Kerry. The other me goes to the silkiest of silk-stocking churches, and has close friends who send their kids to evangelical schools, vote Republican, are staunchly pro-life, and believe that homosexuality is a sin.

I'm a mixture of both sets of friends. And this inhibits my writing. Half of the stuff I write is protestant theology (I know, snore), the other half is reflective essays - which are a bit whitewashed (though quite good, I've been told by people who actually count - I've one four writing prizes in the past year). I've either got to find a way to tell my stories without cleaning them up (maybe I'll use a pseudonym) or I've got to get brave and just be who I am. Yikes!

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