eyes wide open

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i'm in serious trouble.

can't sleep, but have to be up in 3 hours to study heidegger (NOT EASY). i think that the removal of the heart meds is returning me to my full-on status as insomniac. i'm actually not sure what's worse - the heart problem or the total inability to sleep like a normal person.

i went to bed but just had to let the tv run because of the fucking interminable teasers about an anaconda loose in wapanacha wildlife refuge - where K and i love to go turtle watching. i thought it had to be a joke but i had to stay tuned. there really is an anaconda in the marsh of wapanacha - in arkansas!!!! aparently some dim-wit let one loose in there. i sure hope they find it soon, because i cannot imagine what kind of havoc in might wreak on the food chain and eco system there. STUPID IDIOTS!!!

so, i got that settled and turned off the tube, but still was wide awake (did i mention this is the second night in a row of this shit?). i decided to read for a minute - with my glasses off (tired eyes sometimes fool me into thinking i'm all the way tired). i'm reading a great book (though poorly edited) about this dude that grew up in a freaky hindu-ish commune in the eighties (i'm interested 'cause that's also my story).

still, no zzzzs.

i turned off the light and then the mental fireworks began. i started freaking out about my business - we recently doubled in size (and financial outlay), but have had several lean months. [if you're reading this and a part of my "business" please don't worry too much - it's just that it gets really stressful sometimes juggling personal financial concerns AND yours (by proxy)] and i'm freaking out about getting my student loans consolidated and K has a terrible toothache to add to his dizziness and my heart hurts and is racing at ninety to nothin (literally) and then there's the heidegger.......

AND I CAN'T FIND THE FUCKING TYLENOL PM!!!!

so, i've cruised google for heidegger commentary (like i can process that right now!) and have read every profile in myspace for people within 20 miles of memphis for just at 3 hours now.......panic is setting in.

i'm gonna go try to count sheep.....
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