Thursday, June 9, 2005

speak no evil

K hates it when i turn on the light in the middle of the night. i don't know why it matters that much since he sleeps with his head sandwiched between two pillows.

that (sleeping with his head covered - blocking light and me out) used to bug me so much, it actually hurt my feelings. it's funny now. so many things used to bug me about him that i now either don't care about, find endearing, or just don't remember.

but he remembers everything that i've ever said that i don't like about him.

it can be a problem.

one year, way (too far) into the winter, a cold one, i noticed that K wasn't ever wearing a coat. he's pretty hot all the time so it took me a while to pick up on it. when i finally did and asked him about it, he said that i had said that his coat was dorky (the previous winter). it broke my heart. sweet, sweet K was going around cold because he didn't want me to think he was a dork. i didn't even remember saying that to him. of course, i went and bought him a cool coat post haste - he still wears that one.

another time, we were on a road trip. this was way before we were married and during a time that neither of us were certain that we could even stand to be together. we were staying overnight at my best friend's apartment in nashville and there was another guy there, a philosopher - egads, with whom i was feeling a serious connection. K could tell and was pouting a bit. it bugged me.

he had left his toothbrush in the car and asked if he could borrow mine. i made a big deal about it, saying how gross that was to share a toothbrush (nevermind the fact that i could put his cock in my mouth). i really embarrassed him - and i really didn't care.

now we share a toothbrush all the time, but it took a long time before he would.

it still hurts my heart to think about how that must have hurt, how cold he must have been, and how sweet he is to me now. it's a prickly little reminder that i should watch what i say, because, even though he so often seems to tune me out - he really is listening.


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