Friday, June 3, 2005

To Tell or Not To Tell

I had a strange experience yesterday evening. I told a friend that I like to blog and she said wow me too and asked for my blogger address. I dunno, but I sort of freaked out. I mean, what is this really? And to whom am I writing?

Is a blog a journal? It would seem that that would be private, or at least anonymous. But this really isn't either of those things. I suppose it's just a collection of thoughts, but that's what I'm worried about: the nature of my thoughts.

As I've mentioned before, I think I'm a bit schizophrenic. Not in the clinical way, just in my opinions/thoughts/feelings. I'm a walking juxtaposition. And it scares me. Does it just really mean that I'm a hypocrite or a mamby pamby or wishy washy? I don't think the latter two - but I'm actually worried about the former. It's not that I say things or do things that I don't mean or that are really true for me (ugh, I hate that phrase "true for me," maybe I mean true of me). It's that those things so often don't seem to be possible genuine simultaneous actions or feelings. I thought that as I grew older I'd become more consistent in my views, yet the opposite has happened.

So, anyhow, it kind of freaks me out to think about people I know reading my garbage, though I do know of a couple of people who occasionally check in on this highly trafficked blog (ha ha).

Oh boy am I hating this entry - but I read somewhere to just go with and let yourself be embarrassing and stupid. So here it is.

Welcome Amoreena, now you'll really know how cuckoo I am and now you can worry about trusting me with your money!


No comments: