Last night I think I finally was able to communicate to K why it's so important to me. It's really not an ownership issue, though I think that there is something to that relative to my sister-in-law. For me, the issue is more about the spiritual nature of adoption itself. I see this experience as a spiritual and holy one, much like the adoption of gentiles into the family of God. I believe that A will be "grafted in" to our family - creating a new, and holy, family. A family, to use the adoption petition's own language, that will be as if A had been born to us. In fact, I believe that she WAS born to us, and will be born AGAIN to us in the formal act of adoption.
It's true that I don't like the name her birth mother chose for her. But, really, that's only a tiny part of the issue. I want to be a part of the name that she will carry into her life. It's really important to me.
I think that K finally is beginning to understand where I'm coming from. He said last night that he had thought that it was mostly an aesthetic thing for me. It's not. Lot of people have the name that A has now, lots of people think it's a beautiful name. That's irrelevant to me. I'd just like for her name to reflect and commemorate the experience we're going through, that she's going through.