So, we're filing the adoption petition tomorrow, or as soon as K can get in touch with his sister to *try to* convince her to join the petition (not gonna happen, imo). We've decided that, in the petition, we're going to include the name change.
Problem is, K and I are having a hard time coming to agreement on this issue. He would like A to have some of her birth name and I'd like to change it completely. I really would love to erase the ownership that maintaining A's "given" name allows her birth mother (my SIL). I've been telling K this for a year now.
Turns out he hasn't really been taking me seriously, like not even seriously enough to form an argument one way or the other. And I'm just finding out how "unseriously" he's been taking it TODAY.
So, he said, "Start making a list of names that you like." HUH? I've told him THE name I'd like, been telling him THE name I'd like for almost a year - though probably longer than that in the "what would you name a little girl if we ever had one?" game. And he said, "anything else?" Nope, but I'd consider any suggestions that he'd make - he's just not making any - unless you count adding HIS last name (not mine) to the end of her name. I don't want to hyphenate her name.
I just want him to be invested in this part of the adoption, I want him to be proud of and have input on this very important part of the experience.
On to the other issue (sorry this is so long): I know that there are lots of people who have said that changing her name altogether would be wrong. I just don't think so. She's being given an entirely new life and a new family. The name I want to give her is traditional within my family, and we have a very strong and, in my opinion, lovely family bond that I'd like her to feel a part of in a special way. Giving her the name of her grandmother and greatgrandmother would reaffirm the new bond that the adoption is creating.